Episode One - My Thoughts

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...my show is back.

I could just end my thoughts right there, but some of you may be unhappy if I did so (although others might be totally relieved).

I'm going to need to rewatch the whole episode to comment on the itty bitty race things, but for now I think I'll just go through my further impressions of the team in a not-so-logical order.

Lake and Michelle

• You know, you gotta love it when the first team of the season has their little "at-home" intro, and the first thing you see is their son sitting on Michelle's lap totally trying to pick his nose. I don't know why that struck me as so funny, or why it just feels like such an apt metaphor for this team, but it did. Maybe because I totally expect them to pick away at my sanity with their fighting.
• I'm not sure that Lake is totally a Scott Peterson (tm Joseph) but Ray, Colin, and Voldemort are certainly saving a seat on the couch of intensity for him.
• I like that Lake is willing to admit that a big-ass mistake was "partially" his fault (calling ahead to book the flight instead of reading all the directions). Is that what he says at his dental practice? "Oh dugnabit, I gave you a root canal on the wrong molar. That's partially my fault." Same thing. I heard a rumor that many of his dental hygenists actually quit because he was a bit of a beast. Time will tell. But, even though they're one of my teams, I hope it won't be too long a time.
• Do you think he makes it a habit of introducing himself "Lake, like the ocean"? While I appreciated Ray's "Ray, like the sun" comeback, I think Lake would be more apt to say "Lake, like the pond scum that I am...".

Double D

• We all know who I'm talking about, right? Just wanted to make sure. I'm having a hard time telling if they belong more in the Coyote Ugle or Boogie Nights vein of young female contestants on the race. I admit I like hearing the really strong New York accents from their mouths. It just seems so wrong and yet so real. Kind of like a double Pretty Hate Machine.
• I loved it that the only thing they showed a Brazilian cab driver say in English was to these two and it was, "Are you celebrities?" I can't think of a single person these two would look like. Maybe it was the cameras. Or maybe he just recognizes actors from other forms of media than I watch.

BJ & Tyler

• I love these guys. But I didn't write down a single thing about them. Competent but crazy--that's a team I'm going to like watching.
• Except Eric did say at one point, "I really hope the race doesn't go through Amsterdam because, well, these guys suddenly won't care about racing any more." And I think I agree.

Ray & Yolanda

• Best moment of the episode: these two in the cab, and Ray is getting impatient, and Yolanda just turns to him and says "Stop it--how would you feel with a big black man sitting behind you and saying 'Are we close'?!" And then they BOTH laughed. I have a feeling these two are going to be around for a while.
• For the moment, these two are reminding me of John Vito and Jill from season three. Very athletic, very competitive, and work really well together. I appreciated their drive at the motorcycle task where, despite the most obvious oggling outside of India we've seen in nine seasons, they just totally ignored it and kept doing what they needed to do. The next time I go to Italy I'm taking them with me.

John & Scott

• If it's possible, I think we have found the gayest contestant ever to be on this show. If Lynn and Alex combined were a molehill, John is a (Brokeback) Mountain. Maybe he should apply for Survivor where if he keeps FTFOHF (and if anyone can figure that out, well, good on yeh) he might actually find them useful!
• These two lost me when they decided to get out of the cab and wander aimlessly around Sao Paolo, and not even pulling out Barbara Eden could put me back on their bandwagon. Besides, it doesn't work. I tried it this morning before I left the house in hopes that the coworker I'm not a fan of would be home sick, but instead Anton was. I'm not trying that again.
• These two might have pulled out a 10th place if John hadn't stopped to pet the snake. I mean, I know he's gay and all, but seriously. There are times to pet the snake. And there are times to race.
• As John and Scott left the show, Chris M. turned to all of us in the room and said, "Well, that was a lovely platonic handhold...and will share a lovely platonic twin bed later." I think I'm just going to leave it at that.

David & Lori

• It's not far. We can totally road trip down and meet the best little nerds ever. Who's with me? We can take my convertible.
• And we are learning the handshake.
• How can you not love these two little sweethearts? Every time nerds kiss, a clown smiles (tm Chris)
• And David says, "Oh mylanta!"
• I want these two to do well. For every geeky mid-20s / 30something midwestern person who is a fan of this show. I think I just described about 3/4 of this pool.

Eric & Jeremy

• They came in first on the leg. Woo hoo. This puts them at a bit of odds--only one team who has come in first on the first leg has gone on to win the whole thing (that would be Rob and Brennan, for those of you who aren't race encyclopedias like myself)
• In the three seasons that they have given away the $20,000 on the first leg, Eric and Jeremy are the first men to get it. It was the Godlewski sisters last season, and Debbie and Bianca the season before that. Just a random fact for y'all.
• And one of them has both nipples pierced (ick). Another random fact for y'all.
• We'll wait to see if their obvious attraction to DD does them in. And then they can all go be beach bums together.

Fran and Barry

• You know, from their profile, I had hopes for the oldster team this season. But after it took them more than five lenghts of the bridge to find the second clue box of the race, I may be rethinking that optimism. At least Don and MJ waited until leg five to fall apart locating a clue box. And until Barry starts saying stuff like "The fickle finger of fate has diddled us again", I'm reserving my like for this team.
• And Barry needs a haircut. It's like the non-mullet, with long in the back and bald on top. I'm not a fan.
• And, um, if you've traveled to 45 countries, wouldn't you know that it's SAO Paulo, not SAN Paolo? I don't know why that bugged me so much, but it totally did.

Lisa & Joni

• Hey, ladies? The Bowling Moms just emailed me. They want their shriek back.
• Actually, these two are a combination of the Bowling Moms, the Godlewskis and Ma Weaver. But for now, I'm loving the fact that they stuck around another leg because their giving me a lot of material.
• "Slow and Steady wins the race!" um, no. Slow and steady can get your far on Dancing with the Stars, but not in this game.
• Apparently, according to their intro video, these two are going to Bedazzle their way to independence (tm someone at the party last night). I know someone they'd get along well with.
• No, Texans, Spanish is not the Universal language. That would be Esperanto. So learn how to say a few words of portugese and get on with it.
• My favorite exchange of the night: "Did you fart?" "Is it the city?" this, from women who are from Texas.
• "I'm so excited I just peed my pants". Of course you did. You're over 50. I'm guessing you brought Deterol LA or Depends with you, because your backpacks are bigger than the Double Ds' Double Ds.
• I could hear the scream all the way through the glass at the helicopter. Through the glass and the time space continum right into the living room.
• As long as these two are around, I'm planning on picking on our favorite Glamazons. Thanks for making my job a bit easier.

Joseph and Monica

• Team MoJo. Thanks for making up your own nickname.
• I can't decide on this team yet. First they're really fun, then she's almost crying at the airport because they didn't get on the first flight, and then he's snarking with the best of them, and then their fighting, and...I don't know. I need another episode or two to get a handle on them.
• Note to Monica: You are not in India yet. Just because it's a local traditional custom, it doesn't mean you have to respectfully bow with your hands pressed together. But nice gesture all the same.

Wanda and Desiree

• Could it be that we have a functional all-female family team?! Oh my god--if they hadn't gotten screwed by the cab driver on the way to the helicopter, these two would have been in first.
• My favorite moment with these two was when they got off the helicopter and into that lavish apartment, and Wanda just couldn't stop looking around at all the beautiful furniture. David Sedaris has this story in his newest collection, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, about going to Amsterdam (without BJ and Tyler, otherwise he wouuld have been in the, um, cafes all day long) and touring the Anne Frank house, and the whole time he just couldn't believe how cute the flat was, and how he wanted to buy it, and he figured the reason the next door neighbors turned them in is because they wanted to upgrade to the three-bedroom flat the Franks were hiding in. Wanda was kind of like that.
• I don't want to predict too early (because we know how quickly teams can go from first to last), but these two stand a chance of getting really, really far

And, before I go, some more random thoughts:

• The only thing I could think about at Red Rocks (where I've actually been before, and will try to remember to scan pictures) was "oh, producers are evil. They're trying to create an accident right away!" But surprisingly, no one bit it. They apparently learned from Jim.
• Could this be...a flight right away? Like, out of the country? To a different continent?!?! How many people were shouting YEA! at this point?
• That hotel is certainly...unique. I guess they named it correctly.
• You know, if Charla had been on this season, finding those clues under the stairs on the helicopter task wouldn't have been much of a challenge.
• I giggled that CBS has included Race as a part of ACTION TUESDAY. I mean, I suppose it is, but it just seems a bit odd.
• That is quite the talented greeter! But the Hungarian will always be first and foremost in my ethnic greeter hall of fame.
• Phil...multiple eyebrow pops...
• This is the third season in a row (not counting TAR8, of course because, well, we like to pretend that never happened) that an all-male team has been the first off. Interesting. Do I see a trend starting?
• Question of the day. What is a worse reality show idea: Going on Amazing Race with a big fear of flying, or going on Survivor and quitting your three-pack a day smoking habit the day you get to the island? Discuss. Amongst yourselves. Or as comments. Or whatever. Because I'm done.

Scrappy, signing off.